Disclaimer: Don't eat me, zombie lawyers. I don't own the anime I exploit. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ginga GIRI GIRI! The Universe is in Danger! By SSJ Heero ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- Chapter 14: Guter Tag Fraeulein ---- :: One Hour Ago :: SSJ: (floating through the warp gate, where the walls are all white) Say, how long have we been floating here? Amiko: I dunno, maybe four hours. SSJ: (sigh) The author, whoever it is now, hasn't written in months. TM: I dunno who to blame for that. Amiko: Definitely SSJ. SSJ: Look, it's the dirt below. TM: (sigh) :: 59 minutes : 55 Seconds Ago :: SSJ: (spitting our dirt) Why do we get such poor treatment? TM: (same) Maybe it's because we're perverts and disobey "God". Amiko: (lands calmly on her feet) At least you two are. SSJ & TM: ... Amiko: Anyway... Where are we? SSJ: (looks around) ... TM: (sees mountain behind the trio) We're near a mountain... (Silence) SSJ: We better go somewhere. (Suddenly, there is a large shaking.) SSJ: (looks down and sees ground cracking) What the Hell?! Amiko: Earthquake?! TM: Crap! (Ground opens and swallows us.) :: Now :: SSJ: ...Where...? (SSJ wakes up and looks around. He sits up in a bed and looks around. He is inside someone's house. No one is in the room. There is a door opposite him.) SSJ: (gets off bed and walks towards door) Where the Hell is this...? (SSJ opens door and enters new room. Amiko and TM are already awake, sitting in chairs and watching a TV. The room has a TV opposite SSJ. SSJ stands in a large room at the right side. In front of him, TM and Amiko are watching the TV on the opposite wall. To his left, he sees a table lined with the left wall. On the opposite corner, there is a door. Other doors in the room are on the wall to his right, and behind him. SSJ walks over to the others.) SSJ: Hey, whe- Amiko: Quiet. Something's happening. (TM nods.) SSJ: Eh? (watches TV) TV: In recent events, people wandering around the mountainous areas all have been attacked by a shadowy figure they could not distinguish. Until now, it has only thrown rocks at travelers, but recently, three teenagers were caught in an earthquake. SSJ: ... (looks at others) Where are we? (An adult walks through a door on the right wall.) Adult: So, you're awake. SSJ: Where is this? Adult: My name is Cless Alven. I used to be a legend around here. You are in a town named Meria. What is your name? SSJ: Just call me SSJ. Adult: (starts pacing around room) This town is in serious problems. It is run by an overruling dictator, and we don't even know who he is. Our town has become run down, a poor town whose dictator doesn't even repair damages. SSJ: (points to TV) ...And that? Adult: ...I really don't know. There is a bounty up for anyone who stops whatever it is- (Suddenly, the door on the left wall breaks open and ten armed persons rush in. They all are dressed in green and hold guns. Five of them immediately surround the trio.) Person #1: (raises gun at the trio.) Which one of you three is the leader? (No one speaks.) #1: I'll say it again, who is the leader?! SSJ: (glaring, as always) ... (No one speaks.) #1: It is you, then! (points gun at SSJ) Step forward! SSJ: (raises arms up into the air) Heh. Fine. (slightly smiles evilly and steps forward) (The six take SSJ away.) TM: (angry) Damn... Amiko: (sigh) Men... They are always weak... :: Castle :: Dictator: You... There was a light in the sky right before you appeared. Tell, where did you come from? SSJ: ...I don't know, myself. Dictator: What?! Guards! Prepare your weapons! (All the guards raise their guns at SSJ.) Dictator: Tell where you came from! SSJ: I'll reiterate; "I- DO- NOT- KNOW-." Dictator: Do you mock me?! SSJ: Of course, jack ass. Dictator: (eyes become narrow) Guards! Throw him into the pit! Guards: Sir! (Guards shove SSJ away.) :: Amiko and Co. :: TM: What should we do? Amiko: We better nor even think of breaking in and saving that ass. Cless: (opens door and limps forward) I am old now; I will not be able to save my town from anything. Amiko & TM: ... Cless: ...But you two are young. Maybe you two can save this town. Those shockwaves are slowly sinking Meria. Amiko & TM: ... Cless: The mansion across the street is offering a twenty trillion trillion dollars for anyone who stops it. TM: We'll kill it. No problem. (grins) Amiko: ...(sigh) :: Mansion :: (TM knocks on giant door of mansion.) Butler: (slightly opens door from inside) Yes? What may you want, children? Amiko: We want to see the owner of this place. Butler: I'm sure you do. He's a very popular man. TM: It's for the bounty. Butler: ... (opens door completely) You two are crazy. Amiko: (smiles) Of course. :: Later... :: Rich Guy: Sure, if you kids can defeat the monster, I will give you twenty trillion trillion dollars. If you fail, you'll get killed like the other two hundred who tried. TM: This'll be no problem. Rich Guy: (laughs) Just watch your back kid. If you stop it and show its body to me, you'll get the reward. Amiko: Piece of cake. (walks out) :: Five Minutes Later :: (TM and Amiko walk into Cless's place all battered and bruised.) TM: That thing is horrifying. Amiko: (too horrified to speak) ... TM: Hey, Mister Cless! (Cless appears through door.) Cless: Yes? ...I see. Come in this way. I have bandages and such. :: The Next Day :: (SSJ's arms are stretched in opposite directions and chained to the walls.) SSJ: I wonder when something will happen. (Rock falls down by SSJ.) Voice: (whispers) Psst! Hey! (SSJ looks up.) Voice: I may be able to help... SSJ: (smiles) Thanks. :: Mansion :: TM: Hey! Rich guy! (Rich guy enters through a door on the second floor balcony.) Rich Guy: What?! You're not dead?! Wow! TM: Whatever. Rich Guy: Anyway, what do you need? Amiko: I think we need a little help on this. Rich Guy: (sigh) I thought so. This new girl said she knew you. (yells) Hey! Girl! (A girl enters through a door on the right wall.) Girl: I have a name you know. Rich Guy: That doesn't matter. You said you knew these two? (points to TM and Amiko) Girl: Huh! (looks at TM and Amiko) Amiko: (sees girl) Eh?! HEY! IT'S YOU, CINDY! Cindy: Yes! It's me, Amy! TM: Oh, it's you. How'd you get here? Cindy: You're quite cheerful, aren't you? TM: ...We have several trillion trillion dollars to make fast. Could you answer? Cindy: Okay, okay... You don't need to get like Kha, Chris. TM: Call us by our internet names. Cindy: (sigh) Okay, fine "TM". Anyway, you all got here when that light over the school swallowed you, right? Amiko: (nod) Cindy: Well, one day after that, school was closed. It was opened later, but then, I got sucked in, along with some other guys. I don't know where they went. Amiko: Oh... I see... Cindy: Anyway, I know I will be able to help with this. TM: ...I guess so. Cindy: I get half of the reward! TM: ...Sure... Cindy: Okay! Let's go get Mokona! TM: Did you say something? Cindy: Oh, whoops... Ehr... No. Nothing about Mokona! Amiko: Huh?! Cindy: Never mind! Let's go! :: SSJ :: SSJ: It's called foreshadowing. :: Amiko and Co. :: Cindy: The attacks were here? (Cindy points to the mountains and they hear a constant indistinct bellowing.) TM: Yeah, precisely. Cindy: Okay! Let's fight this thing! TM: (takes out sword) Okay... Amiko: (calls Kamui) Sure... Other bishies: Why Kamui?! Amiko: (whispering) It isn't the time, guys... Cindy: Anyway, let's start the battle! TM: Uh... Might you need weapons, Cindy? Cindy: Oh, no. TM: ...? Cindy: Never mind. (calling) Come on out you devilish demon! (A little white demon pops out from behind the mountain.) Demon: Puu! Everyone except Cindy: (facefault) What in the?! Cindy: See?! (Demon jumps on Cindy's shoulder.) Cindy: It isn't a demon! It's Mokona! Mokona: PUU! (Hello.) Amiko: (sweatdrop) Was THIS what we fought last time?! Cindy: Fought? TM: We fought a giant terrible demon that nearly killed us. Cindy: Eh? Well, the thing that attacked you can not be Mokona... It doesn't like killing. TM: Then what's it for? Mokona: PuuUU!! (I'm cute!) Cindy: ^_^ (pinches Mokona's cheeks) Ain't it cute?! TM: But wait... if that ain't the demon... (Ground starts shaking.) Amiko: Crap. (Out of the ground pops a giant three-headed beast. It has three dog heads, four legs, and four arms that pop out from its back. Its skin is red and drenched with blood. Its legs each have four legs and each arm has one giant claw. Its eyes are pure black and its three sets of teeth drip with saliva.) TM: (steps back) JESUS! Amiko: (same) Oh God... Cindy: (same) What?! (The middle head bellows a menacing roar.) Left Head: We are Kerberos. You all shall die a horrible, gruesome death. TM: (gets into fighting stance) Shit. (pulls out sword) Right Head (Kerberos 3): Do you wish to fight us?! Left Head (Kerberos 1): Your power is that of a dwarf! You can not defeat us. Middle Head (Kerberos 2): (bellows again) Now you shall die. (Kerberos rushes at the trio. The trio barely dodged by rolling to the side.) TM: (takes out sword) I finally get to use this thing I bought recently... but... Amiko: Kamui! Go! Kamui: (draws sword) Yes, Amiko-sama. (Kamui runs at Kerberos and leaps into the air. Kamui manages to cut off an arm. Unfortunately, the other arms slash at Kamui.) Kamui: Argh! (falls to the ground unconscious) Amiko: Damn! (returns Kamui) TM: (runs at Kerberos) Take this! (TM performs a Special Ability: Crimson Blade. TM runs through Kerberos, seemingly doing nothing. Special effects happen and several X's appears over Kerberos. Kerberos yells in pain.) TM: (runs hand through hair) I do rock. (gets knocked out by an arm) Amiko: (sigh) Idiot. (Amiko looks up at Kerberos.) Amiko: Squall! (Squall appears) Go! Squall: Of course, Amiko. (Squall pulls his gunblade out of his pocket... somehow. Anyway, Squall rushes at Kerberos.) Squall: Lio- (gets knocked out by a slashing arm) Amiko: (sigh) Damn. (returns Squall) Cindy: (looks at Mokona) Can you do anything, Mokona? Mokona: Puu?! (What?!) (Cindy and Mokona look back at Amiko.) Amiko: That's it! (turns chibi) Chibi Storm! (Amiko runs at Kerberos and crashes into it several hundred times, each causing 9999 damage.) Kerberos 1: (yells in pain) Damn kid! (Kerberos raises foot and steps on Amiko.) Cindy: (gasp) Amiko! Mokona: (gasp) PUUUuuUU! (Amiko!) (Kerberos raises foot and shows Amiko down inside a newly formed crevice.) Amiko: I'm barely alive... I'm lucky the ground is soft... Good night. (passes out) Cindy: Oh damn! We're on our own, Mokona! Mokona: PUU! (Okay!) Cindy: Change into something deadly, Mokona! Mokona: PuPUU! (Roger!) (Mokona begins changing into something... something... something...) Mokona: Puu. (Darn.) (Mokona is still Mokona.) Cindy: No, Mokona! Come on! Kerberos 2: What can that thing do?! Mokona: PUUUUUUUUUU! (I'LL SHOW YOU!) (Mokona grows a mile high.) All Kerberos: ...Crap. Mokona: (steps on Kerberos) PUU PUUU!! (TAKE THAT!) (Mokona lifts foot and sees Kerberos in a new crevice. Mokona picks up Kerberos.) Mokona: PUUUU! (HERE!) (Mokona tosses Kerberos past the mountains.) Kerberos: Sh~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~it! (Mokona shrinks again.) Cindy: (hugs Mokona) You did it! I'm so proud of you! Mokona: Puu! (Yay!) *** :: The Next Day :: (The scene is a outside the Dictator's castle. SSJ is shackled to a cross, arms stretched to the sides. Behind him is a stone wall. In front of him, a line of riflemen stands. The riflemen are all covered in black, only their eyes showing. Behind the riflemen stands the dictator and his castle.) Dictator: Do you have anything to say? SSJ: (smiles) ...No. Dictator: Say something! SSJ: ...(spits on the ground) Dictator: Fine! Riflemen! (Riflemen all aim their guns at SSJ.) SSJ: (stops smiling) Feh. Dictator: Huh? (SSJ's sword falls in front of SSJ and the riflemen. Everyone jumps back in surprise. SSJ's shackles break free from a gunshot. SSJ rushes forward, retrieves his sword, and begins carving up the riflemen as gunfire erupts.) Dictator: What?! (SSJ continues to kill more riflemen. He vertically cleaves down one riflemen, then horizontally chops another.) Dictator: What is this?! (The dictator turns around and tries to run away, but is stopped by three riflemen.) Dictator: What the HELL?! [The three aim their rifles at the dictator. In cool anime fashion, they rip off the rags to reveal Amiko, TM, and Cindy. (Like you didn't expect that.)] Dictator: WHO?! (The battle stops. A sword is put up to the dictator's neck. The dictator turns around and sees SSJ, his sword covered with blood.) SSJ: (smiles) I'd say we won. Dictator: ... (trembling in fear) What do you want?! (SSJ picks up his scabbard and sheathes his sword. He places the scabbard at his right side.) SSJ: I want you to resign. Dictator: WHAT?! NO! SSJ: So be it. (reaches for sword) Dictator: Wait! SSJ: (stops) Eh? Changed your mind? Dictator: (falls to knees) Okay. You can have the town. Just leave me alone. SSJ: (smiles) Then my first order is for you to leave. Now. Never return. Dictator: (bows head in shame) Okay... I'll go. :: Sunset :: Cless: I thank you children for saving our town. SSJ: No problem. Cless: You all are always welcome here. Amiko: Okay! Bye! Thank you, Cless-san! (SSJ walks away and everyone follows.) Amiko: So, you knew Cindy was here, SSJ? SSJ: Yes. TM: She helped you with the revolt, eh? You're lucky she was there. SSJ: I guess so. Amiko: Why didn't you use a plot hole or something...? (SSJ stops.) Amiko: Was it something I said? SSJ: That's right... My ultimate super powers of being the author was blocked for some reason... Amiko: ...eh? SSJ: Well, it's no problem now! Come on. We better get going... *** :: Somewhere Else :: [The scene is a dark room. The room is illuminated by flames that burn high above. Only the red carpet that leads up a few stairs and to a large throne are seen. One person draped in robes sit in the throne. Two minions stand on each side. Opposite the throne, is a large metal door that leads into a hallway.) (Former) Dictator: (bursts into room) Rantmon! Meria has fallen! Rantmon: (opens eyes) ... (Former) Dictator: Help me! Rantmon: (stands) Is it my problem if you can't handle four bloody KIDS?! (Former) Dictator: Wha-?! Rantmon: Jallopsimon! (A figure that wears a red cloak materializes behind the dictator.) Jallopsimon: Yes, master? Rantmon: Kill him. (Points to former dictator.) (Former) Dictator: WHAT?! (Rantmon smiles evilly as the former dictator's death is shown in the shadows behind him. After five minutes, Jallopsimon stands in front of a bloody corpse with its hand sticking up into the air.) Rantmon: Now, I will send you out to kill the kids. Do it without fail. Jallopsimon: Yes master. ---- To Be Continued ---- SSJ: Oh! Spooky! My EXTREME AUTHOR INTUITION tells me we'll be having trouble in the next chapter! TM: Yeah... We're all going to die! Amiko: ...Dumbass... Cindy: We won't die unless something like a NEW CHARACTER appearing again saves us! (All is silent.) Cindy: What? SSJ: It's not nice to give away plot points, Cindy-chan. Cindy: (covers mouth) Oops! Sorry! TM: Next chapter: "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE A HORRIBLY GORY DEATH!" SSJ: That WAS going to be my chapter title, but I changed it. TM: To what? SSJ: "Darkness Beyond Twilight." TM: Booooringgg... SSJ: Whatever. --------