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Ginga GIRI GIRI! The Universe is in Danger!
By SSJ Heero with the opening mostly by TM
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- OPENING SONG...?: RESIDENT EVIL VOICE - 

Resident Evil... Code Veronica X...

---- Recap ----

[Chibi characters of the five appear in the foreground as scenes from the last episode play 
in the background. Though, you can't see 'cause this is text. =P]

Amiko: Last time! On GINGA GIRI GIRI!

SSJ: We arrive in Kyoto by random accident!

TM: SSJ and I train with Hiko Seijuurou, because we sucked so much.

Cindy: And now, they don't suck!

DDT: As much.

(SSJ and TM glare at DDT. DDT sweatdrops.)

DDT: Anyway, on with the show.

---- Chapter 22: The Mansion of Nightmares ----

[On a rather large wooden boat, the five appear on deck. The caustic smell of rotting flesh 
fill their nostrils as the boat nears a rather small island. TM has been on deck for a 
while, vomiting out his lunch from sea-sickness. He catches a whiff of the odor, and 
vomits what he has left in his gut.

SSJ covers his nose, trying to block out the scent. His face hardly changes from his usual 
glare as he leers towards the island. Amiko sweatdrops as she catches sight of SSJ's 
serious face.]

Amiko: You don't have to be all serious, SSJ.

SSJ: Meh... It smells like there's been a war...

(Amiko accidentally catches scent of the surrounding.)

Amiko: Ugh... I think I'm gonna puke.

DDT: What are you all complaining about? It smells like my favorite foods!

(Everyone glances at DDT in disgust, then return to their own thoughts.)

Cindy: Maybe going below deck will get rid of the smell.

Amiko: I'm going, too!

(The two girls then dash off as quickly as they can, bolting the door and closing all the 
windows. The guys sweatdrop, then turn back towards the island.)

SSJ: How long until we get to that island?

TM: Possibly a half hour.

***

:: Thirty Minutes Later ::

SSJ: My, are we on the dot.

TM: Wow. I'm psychic.

[The ship lands on a dock of the small island. Loads of crewmembers drop off various large 
crates on the dock, waiting for their receivers to pick it up. SSJ and TM disembark from 
the ship, nose plugs blocking out the smell. DDT soon follows, licking his lips in delight. 
His stomach growls, as well, as the familiar pungent scent catches his nose once more.]

SSJ: Now really, how the HELL can you stand your food, let alone this smell?!

TM: Yeah! How the hell can you be hungry now?! You must have an iron stomach!

DDT: Shut up. And it's more likely made from Zinc.

(TM and SSJ are silent. Just then Amiko and Cindy appear and step off the ship, noses 
covered of course.)

Amiko: Damn, I can still smell it...

Cindy: It smells like shit.

(Amiko sighs.)

Amiko: No kidding.

(Amiko then turns to SSJ, who was looking off towards the depths of the island.)

Amiko: Why stop here?

(SSJ turns to Amiko.)

SSJ: I can sorta sense a dark presence...

(Amiko is silent as she tries to feel with her soul.)

Amiko: ...Yeah. I feel it, too.

(A silence passes, and Amiko just sighs as her stomach growls.)

Amiko: Nope. It was just hunger.

(SSJ and company facefault. A large bullhorn is heard from the ship.)

Bullhorn: All crew return to the ship. In five minutes time, she sails.

(The crew hastily return to their creaky wooden ship, complaining about the receivers not 
arriving. The rather large crates line the edge of the docks, standing near the waves as 
they crash upward. The five sigh as they are left alone on the disgusting island, with no 
way out. TM looks around the dock, then towards the inside of the island.)

TM: This place sort of looks familiar.

(SSJ and Cindy look around as well.)

SSJ: Yeah. You're right.

Cindy: Doesn't look like any place from an anime.

SSJ: Must be deja vu...

(Just then, thunderous booms crash in the background, surprising all of the five. Storm 
clouds rattle in the distance. A whirlpool forms across the sea. Birds fly from the storm, 
speeding as fast as they can to escape its claws.)

SSJ: Come on. Let's find a house on this island.

DDT: And what makes you think there are any?!

(SSJ gives a narrow, Rurouni-Kenshin-esque, glare at DDT. He speaks with sarcasm.)

SSJ: Well, those packages must have been randomly sent here, y'know, and randomly dropped 
for no good reason.

(DDT glares back at SSJ as he rebuts.)

DDT: Just shut up. You're just so witty, eh?

(Amiko then interrupts.)

Amiko: Let's just go.

(The five then start off from the docks, stepping on the cold pavement towards a gigantic 
hill off in the distance. It is all quiet without a sound other than their own breaths as 
they move forward. They pass fences, various bridges, and some Victorian decoration before 
a noise faintly sounded somewhere. SSJ was the only one to hear as he whipped his head 
around.)

SSJ: What was that?!

(TM stops and looks around.)

TM: Dunno, don't hear anything...

(Amiko looks back and yells to the two, stopped in their tracks.)

Amiko: Hurry up!

(The two shrug it off and continue onward. They come to a point where they step off the 
pavement and begin walking on dirt. Soft dirt. They kick up the dirt as they move along, 
walking on an uneven foundation under the dirt.)

TM: I'm getting deja vu again...

(SSJ looks around for the slightest noise.)

SSJ: Yeah, that ominous feeling is everywhere now...

(There is a silence as everyone stops to look around. DDT, being the clever prankster, 
snaps a twig right next to SSJ's ear. SSJ jumps in surprise, nearly screaming in terror. He 
turns around and eyes a laughing DDT. He then rounds on his "friend", slashing him with the 
sheathe of his shattered sword.)

SSJ: You bastard!

(DDT is sent flying into an old tree, the wits knocked out of him. He coughs out dirt and 
tries brushing his "beautiful hair" free from twigs.)

DDT: Asshat.

SSJ: At least I'm not named after insecticide.

(DDT fails to return the insult as he feels someone pick him up off the ground from behind.
The other four are surprised when they see the shaded figure, wearing fraying clothes. DDT 
gets a close look at the figure's face, only to find that it was hardly recognizable after 
being so decomposed. He yelps in surprise, and jumps back.)

Figure: GAH! UNGH! BLAH!

DDT: What the HELL?!

(The figure moves towards DDT, muttering incomprehensible - to the five, at least- groans 
as it approached DDT. Its bloody, decayed teeth were bared for all to see. It tries to take 
a bite out of DDT, but instead gets a fist full of flames. It screams in pain as half of it 
melts, leaving but a puddle of acrid goo and a pair of legs.)

SSJ: What the...?

TM: What in the fuck?! A... Zombie?!

(SSJ and TM look at each other.)

Both: RESIDENT EVIL!

(DDT adds in.)

DDT: Code Veronica...

(Both SSJ and TM look at DDT, pointing.)

TM: Wait a second, you've played these games?

SSJ: How is that possible?! Aren't you from this world?!

(DDT covers his mouth once he realizes his mistake.)

DDT: (sigh) There's no need to explain. Just forget what I said.

(Just then, from every corner of the scene, zombies burst out of walls, from the 
ground, drop from the sky, or emerging from various crates. With a shuffling of feet and 
the sounds of groans, they make their horrible stench known. TM could only vomit what he 
had left in his stomach on the nearest zombie. Or SSJ.)

SSJ: ECK! TM! How could you?!

(TM wipes his mouth clean.)

TM: Well, sorry.

(DDT looks towards the center of the island, viewing a large black mansion on a hill in the 
distance.)

DDT: To that mansion!

Cindy: Whoo... How ominous.

DDT: Oh, shut up.

(Thunder breaks, almost deafening all in the area and consequently blinding the zombies. 
They fail to see the five slip away and run off towards the mansion.)

***

:: Somewhere Else ::

[Rantmon (remember him?) sits in his throne over in his dark palace. The room, usually lit 
with candles and torches, was now brightly lit by one floating ball of light in the center 
of the room. It hovered above a large round table, where literally hundreds of various 
interesting characters sat. Two chairs were empty, unfortunately.

A tall, white haired man, otherwise known as Sephiroth, wearing a large trench coat and 
carrying a massive sword, spoke.)

Sephiroth: So as expected, Makoto Shishio does not appear.

(Rantmon sighs.)

Rantmon: We can deal without him. He never showed up in the past anyway.

(Another character, this one looking like a clown with bad make-up, Kefka, spoke with a 
sinister overtone.)

Kefka: Well well, Rantmon, you call us what for?

Rantmon: Kefka, you always were an annoying assclown.

Kefka: I expect no better.

(Rantmon yells to his newest assistant, over on the opposite side of the room, standing by 
the giant double doors.)

Rantmon: Boy! Has anyone else arrived?

(The figure turns to look out a window that turned to Rantmon's great maze. It turned back 
to Rantmon, revealing that it was Dillandau.)

Dillandau: Nah! Not another soul has bothered coming to such a meeting.

(Rantmon sighs, then stands from his throne. The voices of the many characters cease as 
Rantmon speaks.)

Rantmon: Well my comrades, we may be missing Shishio and that useless Albert Wesker, but 
there is no need for them now. I have called you all once again to discuss important 
matters.

(Thus, cheering and sneering ensued.)

Rantmon: The lesser problem is a boy named Dark. It was because of him that my plans are 
partially halted. He took the Atma- No Kefka, that's a different Atma- before I could lay 
claim to it, and I am left with only the other half.

(Rantmon looks back to his throne, above which a large sword hangs from the walls. He turns 
back to his audience.)

Rantmon: We shall need to find this boy in order to restart my plan. But let's not dwell on 
that. It is only a low priority considering our other problem is currently searching for 
him. That other problem would be these five kids.

(The table which the characters surround then glow and display the visages of SSJ, TM, 
Amiko, Cindy, and DDT.)

Rantmon: These ones are of top priority. Dark will not be far ahead.

(The meeting continued longer, but for now, more important characters await a scene.)

Rantmon: Hey! I'm important too, author!

***

:: Mansion with DDT and Company ::

DDT: Hey, for once you said DDT and co.!

SSJ: Don't remind me to do it ever again.

[Over in the nearly abandoned mansion of the island, the five stand inside the mansion. A 
large shining chandelier hands from the ceiling, and a spiraling staircase connects the 
bottom floor to the upper tiers. Bookshelves cover the walls of the first floors and 
various doors were visible throughout the room.]

Amiko: I say we're not safe in here, like in all Resident Evil games.

Cindy: I agree with Amiko. Who knows if there are any more of those things...

DDT: Okay! Now, we split up in horror movie fashion!

(Everyone is silent.)

Amiko: Are you crazy?

DDT: Yep.

Amiko: Don't you know we'd stand better if we all were together.

DDT: Well, you DO have your bishounen.

Amiko: ...Oh yeah.

(As expected, Amiko and Cindy wander off together, crowd of bishounen surrounding the two. 
TM and SSJ leave off for the upstairs. Devimon appears from DDT's shadow, where it hid.)

Devimon: I still exist in this story?

DDT: Apparently.

Devimon: Good! Well, I hear we're searching for zombies.

***

:: SSJ and TM ::

[SSJ and TM wander about a room filled with papers and journals. TM reads through the 
papers, journals, and memoirs, enthralled within the text. SSJ, however, is searching for 
anything useful to be found.]

TM: Whoa. Looks like this guy documented how it feels to turn into a zombie.

SSJ: That always happens in an RE game.

TM: And this one is of a guy who's thinking of his wife.

(SSJ speaks with sarcasm.)

SSJ: I really care. That touches my life in so many ways.

TM: And- What the- Hey! It's a full staff report on Umbrella!

(SSJ glares at TM and satirically continues.)

SSJ: WOW. It couldn't get any better than... Why are you filing them?

TM: Further reference.

(SSJ pauses. He then begins indignantly.)

SSJ: Since when do you read for pleasure?!

TM: I read this fic, don't I?

SSJ: ...You did?!

(SSJ continues to search through the room.)

SSJ: Is there anything I can use?!

(He then comes across a drawer in the corner of the room. Apparently, some key or a lock 
pick is needed to unlock it. SSJ merely reaches in using a plot hole, and produces two 
upgraded pistols.)

SSJ: Sweet! Guns!

(On the other side of the room, TM finds another thing and exclaims.)

TM: More reading!

(SSJ facefaults. TM, defying the laws of science, then files all the pieces of paper in the 
room in a tiny folder.)

***

:: DDT and Devimon ::

[DDT and Devimon barely dodge the grip of a giant worm of sorts, dashing into a building 
nearby. Inside, zombies lie strewn across the floor, covered in blood. They get to their 
feet at the scent of flesh, and struggle their way towards DDT.]

DDT: Damn it. I hate zombies.

Devimon: Damned buggers.

(With several roundhouse kicks from DDT and claw attacks from Devimon, all the zombies are 
left burnt or decapitated, and the partners continues to the end of the hallway. They 
arrive at a well decorated room. At that time, the metal shutters come down behind them and 
block their path. From a set of speakers mounted on the wall, a voice calls.)

Voice: Kehehehe... Welcome, Claaaiiiire...

DDT: Uhm... Wrong person-

Voice: You may be yelling at the speakers right now, but apparently, I can't hear you 
'cause I'm in another room. Hah hah!

DDT: Oh, you piece of crap.

Voice: Anyway, I do hope you enjoy your stay. Go through the next door and see why. I've 
been planning this for a long time...

DDT: HEY! I'M NOT CLAIRE!

[The speakers continue ranting on and on about plans or some other thing like that. 
(Apparently, the author forgets what is said at this part.) DDT looks about the room and 
finds a door on the opposite side of the room. He walks past with Devimon, thus entering a 
boss fight. He speaks sarcastically.]

DDT: Wow, this is going to be hard.

(DDT spoke too soon, however, as he was quickly knocked out by a stretching arm.)

***

:: Amiko and Cindy ::

[A slew of zombies lie dead (well, more dead than they were before, at least) in front of 
Sanosuke and Zidane, who stand in front of the crowd of bishounen around Cindy and Amiko.]

Zidane: Geez, we sure look cool.

Sanosuke: Damn straight.

Amiko: I would agree, too, guys, if it wasn't for the fact that you now managed to destroy 
any hope we have of legally finding a way out of this room.

(The camera pans around the room to find that the doors are blocked off with dead and 
decaying zombies. The horrible stench fill the bishounen's noses. And to make matters 
worse, the stone ceiling is lowering on the square room, about to crush everyone in it in a 
minute or two.)

Zidane: Damn.

Sanosuke: Shit, this sucks.

(Amiko turns to her other bishounen.)

Amiko: Can any of you do anything?

(Amiko then goes on with all her pet names of her bishounen, only to find they are all 
knocked out from the stench.)

Amiko: It smells THAT BAD, huh?

Cindy: We're gonna die! Like this! In a random room with no help at all! And I wanted to 
get into high school, at the very least!

(As if Cindy's words prompted it, one of the doors was knocked off its hinges at that point 
with a large explosion launching the zombies out of the way. Behind the doorway, a rather 
young woman wearing blue all over, as well as a cute beret, stood with a not-so-cute rocket 
launcher in hand.)

Woman: Hey! Come on!

(In an instant, Amiko and Cindy drag their bishounen out of the room as the ceiling hits 
the floor, crushing the zombie mess into a disgusting slime.)

Amiko: Well, at least we are out of there.

(They all then turn to the unknown helper, who is revealed to be a familiar RE character.)

Amiko: ACK! JILL VALENTINE!

(Jill's eyes are reduced to dots. She seems to turn chibi as she mutters.)

Jill: ...Oro? How'd you know me?

Cindy: It'll be a long, confusing story to tell.

Jill: Then don't. I kind of have a problem with a virus outbreak, and I don't need kids to 
slow me down.

(Jill then walks away. Amiko and Cindy looks at each other.)

Cindy: Well, that was interesting.

Amiko: SSJ is gonna have a field day.

***

:: The Group ::

[SSJ, TM, Amiko, and Cindy meet once more. They fail to find DDT anywhere.]

SSJ: Damn, DDT...

TM: Where could he be?!

Amiko: I think he went off to another building down there.

(Amiko points to a winding maze of random buildings and walls just outside them mansion.)

Cindy: But who wants to go down there?

(SSJ sighs.)

SSJ: Oh well. I don't think hanging around here has much of a point.

TM: Yeah! Come on! We need to find more things to read!

(TM is seen with piles and piles of folders, crammed full of papers and booklets. The rest 
facefault. Amiko quickly gets up to yell.)

Amiko: Are you REALLY going to carry that with you all the way over there?!

TM: Why not?

(Amiko is silent. She then sighs.)

Cindy: Well, come on! Iku yo!

[Subtitles: (Not for Sale or Rent) Let's go!]

***

:: Some Secret Place in a Secret Lab in a Secret Area of the Mansion ::

[In some secret place in a secret lab in a secret area of the mansion on a supposedly 
secret island, a man with dark sunglasses sits in a chair in front of a large computer 
system. (Breathe!) He is Albert Wesker, the secret leader of operations.]

Wesker: I see that Rantmon has finally gathered his council?

(He is speaking via video phone to Dillandau as he sits in his dark lab. The lab is filled 
with a variety of high-tech equipment, lining each and every wall. The only light in the 
room came from Dillandau's pixilated face on the gigantic computer screen.)

Dillandau: Ay. Rantmon's pissed as a dragon. Along with you, Makoto failed to show.

Wesker: Is he? I see. It doesn't matter, though. My great creation is just about ready to 
unleash upon the world.

(Dillandau scratches his chin on the computer screen.)

Dillandau: That ancient Tyrant, eh? It's not of much use considering a schoolgirl can take 
it out.

Wesker: A schoolgirl with a freaking rocket launcher, you mean.

Dillandau: So that is.

(Wesker sighs, turning to his data and various notes taken of each monster on the island.)

Wesker: It is of no matter. Mere rockets can't take down this upgraded Tyrant. Why, I've 
even taken the liberty of manipulating its DNA. It can produce an exoskeleton of Mythril 
from Middle Earth. Rantmon would be pleased that his plan will go into action.

Dillandau: Amazing, eh? Oh- That reminds me. The plan is on hold. Rantmon has placed the 
priority on finding five kids.

(Wesker is taken aback by the words. His wide-eyed surprise quickly changes to a wide grin.)

Wesker: Really. Well, I've received word from that cross-dressing buffoon that five kids 
are in the mansion. I'll see if they are the ones.

Dillandau: Their faces.

(In the lower part of the screen, pictures of the five line up at the bottom. Dillandau 
then continues.)

Dillandau: Rantmon wants them alive, of course.

Wesker: Hm. He always was a peaceful, moronic kid.

(After a moment of silence, Wesker continues.)

Wesker: Strike that last comment from the record. Out.

(Dillandau nods, and the computer screen shuts off. Lights return to the room as Wesker 
gets up from his leather chair. He turns and begins to step away from the computer, towards 
the door.)

Wesker: Hm... On five kids? Rantmon has gotten that much lesser?

(Wesker's thoughts were interrupted, however, with a banana peel left carelessly on the 
floor. With a crash, he falls to the floor in a heap of pain.)

Wesker: Oro... Where the Hell did that banana come from?!

(Wesker looks ahead at the ceiling, and finds a sewer opening above, only blocked by grates 
with wide openings. He gets up and mutters.)

Wesker: They're near! Perfect timing! Rantmon can't be pissed off when I bring them to me!

(Wesker then steps towards the door. Too bad he forgets about the peel, and slips on it yet 
again. He curses and crawls out the scene.)

***

:: SSJ and Company ::

[SSJ and company stand at the edge of an outdoor gateway. They feel a deep rumbling in the 
ground.]

SSJ: What the Hell?

TM: Is it that worm thing?

SSJ: Dear God, no...

Cindy: What? What is it?

(SSJ and TM look at Cindy, then at each other, then back at Cindy.)

SSJ: Beyond this door is an insanely powerful and invincible worm.

TM: With razor sharp teeth.

SSJ: Yeah. If we stop before we get into the building, we're toast.

:: MEANWHILE! ::

[DDT is locked in a secret room, with no door and no window. There is, however, a wall made 
from a combination of holograms and lasers. DDT sighs and pulls out a piece of moldy bread 
from his pocket.]

DDT: Well, might as well.

(The piece of bread lights on fire, and the mold disintegrates into the air. DDT then picks 
up the slightly burnt piece of toast.)

DDT: Is there no better food than toast?

:: BACK TO THE FOUR! ::

Amiko: So, how fast have we got to run in order to dodge it?

TM: Walking speed.

(Amiko and Cindy facefault.)

SSJ: I know. It's illogical.

(SSJ and TM then shove open the door, and simply walk past the area. The worm tears out of 
the sand just behind the two, and moves in the completely opposite direction. Cindy and 
Amiko look on in confusion.)

Amiko: This super powerful hell worm is BLIND?!

Cindy: What the Hell?!

(Amiko and Cindy look at each other, and then does the same. The worm, having some sense, 
aims its course at them. The girls, slowly enough, walk past, and the worm crashes into a 
brick wall. It is knocked out, and the four sweatdrop.)

Amiko: Well, that was easy.

Cindy: Yeah. Well, I'm glad it is, too.

(The four enter the building where DDT entered a while ago. The zombies, which DDT killed 
just a while ago have respawned to haunt SSJ, TM, Cindy, and Amiko.)

Cindy: Okay! SSJ! TM! You two are up!

(Cindy then looks at SSJ and TM, who are in the corner of the room playing Go. She 
facefaults, and then yells.)

Cindy: Hey! Come on, guys! Fight them!

(SSJ and TM ignore her and continue playing, talking amongst themselves.)

SSJ: You know what? I'm tired to fighting all the battles for the girls.

TM: I have to agree. I mean, I had to fight three freaking ALLIGATORS because they were too 
lazy.

SSJ: Yeah.

(SSJ then places down a stone and captures 40 of TM's stones. TM curses. Cindy sighs in the 
background.)

Cindy: Oh, damn it. You guys.

(SSJ, without looking back at Cindy, pulls out the two revolvers he was borrowing from 
Cindy. He tosses them back to her, muttering.)

SSJ: I don't need them any more, Cindy.

(Cindy glares at them, but then turns back to Amiko.)

Amiko: They do have a point, y'know.

(Cindy uses her Glare of Death™ on the two before turning back to the zombies, still 
walking slowly towards the two.)

Cindy: I know. And that's what pisses me off.

(With the loud screams of guns and the amazing power of Amiko's makeup compact, the zombies 
are wiped out with blood smeared all over the walls and floor. TM quickly resigns to SSJ 
when he realizes he never even heard of Go before. The two get up and applaud Amiko and 
Cindy, go table disappearing into a plot hole.)

SSJ: Bravo.

(TM speaks with an imitated British accent.)

TM: Good show. Bloody brilliant, I say!

(Over in the corner by the door, the four spot a chest. SSJ quickly opens it to see what 
he'll receive. He reaches in and in his hands was a large briefcase. It was locked, 
unfortunately.)

SSJ: Damn. I can't see what's inside.

[As if fate willed it (or by the cause of bad writing), a girl dressed in denim shorts and 
a red shirt crashed through the window. Her brown hair was tied back in a ponytail, and her 
hands were smeared with blood.]

TM: HEY! CLAIRE REDFIELD!

(Claire facefaults as she tries to get up, and turns to see TM.)

Claire: Who are you?

(TM's charm then clicks on, and he rushes to Claire's side. Before anyone noticed, his arm 
was around Claire, making the last three facefault. He then tells his name, and going in 
detail about how he literally single-handedly took out the Aku no Tsubasa and killed three 
androids at once. Meanwhile, SSJ opens a plot hole on a metal sliding door, slipping past 
with Amiko and Cindy.)

SSJ: I think he'll be a while.

Amiko: So, what can be up here?

SSJ: If I remember right, there are some machinery and possibly a boss fight or two.

Cindy: Oh... Joy. Certain death.

SSJ: Hey, sarcasm is my department.

(The three then reach the top, seeing that it was practically empty. They pass several 
doors, and enter a large room filled with glass cylinders full of strange squid life forms.)

Amiko: Geez... These are pleasant things, ne?

Cindy: Yeah. Real pleasant.

(Cindy then turns to SSJ.)

Cindy: SSJ! Let's get out of here!

[But as if her words prompted it (see a pattern, here?), all the shutters close on the 
window, and the metal doors lock. The glass cylinders burst, sending shards about the room. 
With a PH (Plot Hole) Field, SSJ blocks any shards from harming he or his friends.]

Amiko: Wow... I didn't know you could do that.

(SSJ looks about.)

SSJ: Well, I'm the author.

Cindy: Uhm, people? There's kinda a lot of enemies in this room all of a sudden.

(SSJ and Amiko's conversation stops as they glance about the room. Water is pouring from 
the broken tanks, flooding the room. Small squid things fill the floor, sending electrical 
currents through the metal in the room. From out of nowhere, Satoshi/Ash Ketchum of Pokemon 
fame emerge from random space and yells.)

Satoshi/Ash: Oh yeah! Water conducts electricity!

(Amiko and SSJ just stare at the newcomer. Satoshi/Ash sweatdrops.)

Satoshi/Ash: Oro?!

SSJ: No, it doesn't.

Amiko: In fact, only salt water would conduct electricity.

(SSJ and Amiko would have then began an entire Chemistry lesson, if not for a large figure 
crashing through the floor and knocking Satoshi/Ash away with its ridiculously large claws.)

Satoshi/Ash: Satoshi/Ash is blasting off agaaaaaiiiin...

(With a bling, the Pokemon trainer was gone, and the Tyrant stood in his place. SSJ, Amiko, 
and Cindy leapt away from the monster, landing at different parts of the room. The screen 
blurs and fades to the left, and the FFVIII boss music plays in the background.)

SSJ: Shit. I hate this.

Amiko: What in the HELL?!

(Cindy turns to SSJ.)

Cindy: What is this?!

SSJ: A tyrant. But... This is different from the others in RE.

(Cindy stares closely at the Tyrant as it saunters closer.)

Cindy: Is that armor?!

SSJ: I'm not gonna wait to find out!

(With speed, all of SSJ's bishoujo are summoned. The ones who were mostly forgotten, Kasumi 
and Shampoo, quickly take up first attack.)

Kasumi: Taco Bell attack!

(Amiko and Cindy facefault in the background as the taco flies at the tyrant. With a huge 
explosion that shatters glass and kills the squid things, smoke fills the room. The Tyrant 
is still seen, shadowed in the smoke.)

Shampoo: Amazonness Archer!

(Shampoo flies from the ground and launches a kick directly at the Tyrant. The Tyrant flies 
back into a wall from the attack. Loud scraping and crashes ensued as Shampoo continued her 
assault. Shampoo and Kasumi return to SSJ and Yuffie and Aeris step up to fight.)

Aeris: Great Gospel!

(SSJ and his bishoujo, along with Amiko and Cindy, then begin glowing as they become 
invincible.)

Yuffie: Booya! All Creation!

(With a giant blast of energy, the Tyrant scorches in immense heat from Yuffie's death 
beam. It screams in pain as the attack does a whole 1 HP of damage. Aeris and Yuffie return 
as well, and next came Aisha and Suzuka.)

Aisha: Fury Swipes!

Suzuka: Renzokuken!

(Squall is cheering from Amiko's bishie-ball as Suzuka's attack hit the Tyrant at the same 
time as Aisha. Many, many strokes and slashes later, Aisha and Suzuka slice through the 
tyrant in low budget anime style.

Too bad the Tyrant still was not hurt much, due to the Mythril armor. Suzuka and Aisha 
curse before disappearing and having Rinoa and Quistis up next.)

Rinoa: Shooting Star!

Quistis: Degenerate!

(The screen flashes and gives Amiko, Cindy, and the Tyrant seizures. Amiko and Cindy faint 
to the ground with swirly eyes, and the Tyrant circles in place. It seems to mutter a 
familiar word.)

Tyrant: ORO...

(With great speed, Rinoa crashes into the tyrant with her dog, Angelo, several times, each 
causing a massive .01 HP loss.)

SSJ: Damn it! It just won't die! Arashi! Yuzuriha! Satsuki!

(Arashi, Yuzuriha, and Satsuki all appear and strike at once. Wires and cords tear out of 
the ground as Satsuki uses her powerful attack. Amiko and Cindy were able to get up and see 
this attack.)

Satsuki: Chains of Thunder!

(The wires surround the Tyrant and touch every pore of its mutated body. Massive shocks 
were sent through its body, but it still failed to falter.)

Arashi: Omnislash!

Yuzuriha: Inuki! Let's just copy Rinoa!

(Rinoa and Cloud cheer for Yuzuriha and Arashi as they copy their attacks. The tyrant is 
knocked into the air with Arashi's modified last attack. The three disappear and Relena and 
Catherine appear for the finishing blow.)

Catherine: Millions Knives!

(Cindy facefaults in the background at the unoriginal name of the attack. Millions of 
knives are thrown at the Tyrant beast, but none did as much but two HP damage.)

Relena: JUDO...

(But then Relena is unable to finish her attack name, as the ground collapses from the 
Tyrant finally making an attack. Amiko would have cheered as Relena got knocked out, but 
Cindy and Amiko are busy screaming as the ground under them shatters and they fall to the 
basement below. SSJ's last two bishoujo return to him in midair, and he lands calmly on his 
feet as Hiko taught him.)

SSJ: What the Hell?

(SSJ looks around the room and finds Amiko and Cindy on the ground, not in pain because of 
Aeris' limit break. He rushes toward the two as the Tyrant drops down behind him.)

Amiko: SSJ! Behind!

Cindy: Look out!

(SSJ is able to turn around to see the Tyrant before he is slashed in two by the thing's 
massive claws. Amiko and Cindy scream his name in terror. There was a silence. Everyone was 
frozen in place. The Tyrant was in a pose with its claws down, just after slashing SSJ 
clean. Amiko and Cindy was near crying. SSJ's eyes were wide open.)

SSJ: Oh wait, I'm invincible.

(Amiko and Cindy then facefault.)

Amiko: DAMN YOU, SSJ!

Cindy: ASSHOLE!

(Cindy tosses a large chair at SSJ, hitting him square in the back of the head. Amiko 
tosses a large piece of concrete at SSJ, missing, and hitting the Tyrant square in the 
face. Tyrant then yells in fury as its real attack is about to begin. The three then stop 
glowing suddenly. They are no longer invulnerable to its attacks.)

SSJ: SHIT!

Amiko: NO!

Cindy: THIS IS IT?!

(If not for a certain important person appearing, the Tyrant would have slashed through the 
three in an instant. Wesker stands over in the doorway, admiring his fabulous piece of 
work.)

Wesker: So, I see you are the ones that Rantmon has been searching for. Tyrant-04 has sure 
found you all quickly.

:: MEANWHILE! ::

Claire: Wow! You sure are great, TM! Taking out an entire mafia and zombie cheerleaders 
with your bare hands?!

TM: I know.

(TM pushes Claire to the wall, kissing her madly in the midst of all the death and 
destruction. 'He sure was a skilled player', SSJ admitted earlier. They would have gone 
farther right then and there, but the gigantic crash sound interrupted their fun.)

Claire: What was that?!

(TM curses in the background. He then notices the briefcase.)

TM: Hey Claire!

(Claire's attention deviates from the ceiling and focuses on TM.)

Claire: What is it?

(TM produces the briefcase.)

TM: Think you can unlock this?

Claire: Oh... Uh...

(Claire checks through her pockets, and then comes up with nothing.)

Claire: DAMN IT! I LEFT MY LOCKPICK IN THE ITEM BOX!

TM: And that would be...

Claire: We'll have to walk several miles just to get to the mansion and retrieve the 
lock pick!

TM: ...Miles?!

Claire: There is no other way.

(Claire sighs, and TM curses.)

TM: DAMN YOU, CAPCOM!

***

:: The Mansion of Nightmares ::

(Amiko, Cindy, SSJ, and DDT are reunited in the prison of the mansion, hidden behind a 
wall. They could see out, but no one could see in.)

SSJ: So, this is where you were.

DDT: Yes. How'd you get here?

SSJ: Tyrant is invincible. Wesker brought us here by force. You?

DDT: Boss knocked me out.

Cindy: What happened to it?

DDT: I believe that it collapsed on itself soon after. It wouldn't sustain itself. The 
being I faced was a horrible creation of evil. One that must not be named. It is beyond 
Satan in the realm of darkness. No being, darkness or light, can ever be able to defeat 
such a demon.

(Amiko interrupts the dark description.)

Amiko: What was it?!

DDT: It was...

(Everyone is silent as DDT tries to come up with the strength to utter its name.)

DDT: It was... A fusion of Carson Daly and *NSync. CarseNSync, it called itself. Thank God 
that Devimon dragged me out in time.

(Amiko, Cindy, and SSJ's eyes widen in fear. They all yelp in terror as they could only 
imagine what it was like to be near such a fiend. SSJ kneels in front of DDT.)

SSJ: DDT... I truly respect you for surviving being knocked out by it.

Amiko: I'm with SSJ.

Cindy: Yes.

DDT: Thanks, guys- Hey, who's that?

(SSJ, Amiko, and Cindy turn around to see Jill Valentine walking through the halls. SSJ's 
eyes turn to hearts and Amiko and Cindy sweatdrop.)

SSJ: IT'S JILL-CHAN!

(On the other side of the wall, Jill sneezes, nearly dropping her rocket launcher. She 
looks around for a bit, wondering if she heard something. She then passed by, not noticing 
the four.)

SSJ: HEY! COME BACK! STOP!

Cindy: Forget it, SSJ. She's gone.

***

:: TM and Claire ::

[Claire opens an item box and sifts through the limitless inventory. She tosses away a 
shotgun, several crossbows, a knife, a modified pistol, an empty gatling gun and 
flamethrower, along with several medals and pieces to many puzzles in the mansion. She 
finally produces the lock pick.]

Claire: Yes! Here it is!

(Before Claire could unlock the briefcase, however, the lights go out.)

Claire: Oro? Why did the lights go out?

TM: What's going on?!

:: SSJ and Company ::

(When the lights went out, SSJ and company were sitting in their cell. The doors opened 
then and allowed the four to escape. Now, they stand in front of a group of hellish 
canines, the zombie dogs.)

DDT: Well, here I go.

SSJ: Indeed.

(Amiko and Cindy cheer with Japanese fans in the background as SSJ takes out several dogs 
with Wind Slash attacks, and DDT casts several fireballs. With the battle over, SSJ motions 
for everyone to follow him.)

SSJ: Come on! Let's get out of here!

(The group follows SSJ and enter the main mansion. Within a few minutes, they crash into TM 
and Claire, running from a group of ravenous crows. Amiko quickly dispelled them with a 
Deadly Nightshade limit break after applying her appropriate makeup.)

TM: Hey! SSJ! Good to see ya!

(SSJ returns the greeting with an uppercut. TM is launched into the ceiling, smashing his 
face, and falls down back to the ground.)

SSJ: Yeah. Indeed.

(TM gets up from the floor.)

TM: Aw, come on. You don't need to be pissed.

SSJ: That coming from someone who was busy hitting on Claire Redfield rather than helping 
his friends.

(Amiko then raises her voice as she wipes off the makeup.)

Amiko: Come on! We have little time to spare! Wesker will send that thing into the world!

(They all are about to run off towards the air dock, if not for TM remembering the 
briefcase.)

TM: HEY! Claire! You can unlock this, right?

Claire: Oh! Yes!

(Claire works quickly as she unlocks the simple briefcase. The top pops open to reveal a 
familiar weapon. SSJ pulls it out and proclaims in joy.)

SSJ: SWEETNESS! ROCKET LAUNCHER!

TM: SWEETNESS! BRIEFCASE!

(Everyone facefaults as TM takes the briefcase and puts all his folders full of reading 
material into its bottomless pit.)

Amiko: Do you really need to carry that thing?!

TM: Yep.

Cindy: Come on! I don't have anymore patience!

(As the six rush off to the docks, many enemies appear to block their path. Demon dogs, 
crows, zombies, and even lickers were chasing them, hunting for a meal. TM, in Inu-Yasha 
fashion, simply does his Miroku-like attack.)

TM: WIND TUNNEL!

(TM opens his briefcase, and all the enemies are sucked into its black hole. Their pitiful 
screams fill the air as they can not escape from the winds pulling them in. With every 
burden lost, the group continue their chase.

Not long after, they finally reach the airport, and find that the floating plane has not 
flown yet. They rush onto the bridge, and open the hatch. Quickly, they enter.)

***

:: Airplane ::

[As the six slide down the ladder from the hatch and enter the cockpit, they hear and 
explosion in the room to their left, the cargo hold. Everyone turns their head towards that 
direction, but then they also notice Wesker, sitting passenger seat, with his blond 
cross-dressing assistant (whose name the author fails to remember) at the pilot seat.]

Wesker: I told him I'd be delivering five kids, and it looks like they have finally arrived.

(Wesker gets up from his seat as the plane begins to rumble. With speed, the plane moves 
along the water, gliding along its surface. The plane pick up speed, before lifting off 
from the waves and entering the sky.)

Wesker: Well, kids? Any more you want to try? The tyrant is in the cargo hold, with Jill 
Valentine, the fool.

SSJ: JILL?!

(Everyone's attention diverts to SSJ. Quickly, SSJ dashes to the door and pulls it open.)

TM: You moron!

(Briefcase in hand, TM sprints to SSJ, crashing into him, and knocking him into the hold. 
The door closes and locks just after.)

Amiko: TM! SSJ!

Cindy: Damn!

Claire: No! TM!

Wesker: Well, girls.

(Everyone then turns to Wesker.)

Wesker: Your friends have no chance. They are doomed.

(Wesker, however, didn't anticipate Amiko to have so much power. With great power, her fist 
connects with Wesker's left cheek, launching him into the wall and bouncing off the walls 
until he finally crashed into his assistant and was knocked out.)

Wesker: Oro...

(Gene took to piloting the plane as it shifted in the air, thousands of feet high. Cindy 
looks towards the door to her left.)

Cindy: TM... SSJ... Don't die.

***

:: The Final Battle ::

[Jill Valentine stands in front of the Tyrant, rocket launcher smoking in both her hands. 
She glares straight at the beast ahead of her, the Tyrant-04. Her rockets failed to do 
anything, and the beast was advancing ever closer.

Their attention was drawn away when SSJ and TM crashed into the hold.]

Jill: Huh?! Who the-

(It was at that point that the Tyrant rushes Jill and slams her into a wall. She is quickly 
knocked out, and SSJ and TM gets to their feet.)

SSJ: Freaking Tyrant! First, you won't fucking die, and now you knock out Jill-chan?!

(SSJ raises his rocket launcher and fires a round at the Tyrant. It shrugs off the blow, 
and moves slowly towards SSJ.)

SSJ: SHIT!

(Then, there is a loud beeping sound as the Tyrant steps over tracks. TM looks just behind 
SSJ and sees a familiar panel. He quickly pulls a lever on the panel.

Quickly, the Tyrant was knocked back by a wheeling crate. Using all its strength, it only 
barely managed to push it back and stay on the plane, since the back of the plane was open.)

TM: Damn! Three more times!

(SSJ throws his Rocket Launcher into a plot hole and pulls out his sheathe, he then 
attempts the impossible.)

SSJ: KUZU RYUU SEN!

(SSJ flies at the clawed demon, hitting it at its nine vital points at once. His useless 
sheathe, however, shatters from the impact of the Mythril.)

SSJ: Shit... Nothing can hurt it. Bullets...

(SSJ pulls out the two guns he found earlier and starts shooting wildly. None even 
penetrate the armor, and fall harmlessly to the ground. It steps ever closer.)

SSJ: Rockets...

(SSJ pulls out the rocket launcher again and fires a volley of rockets at the living tank. 
None even scorch the thing's armor, and it steps even closer.

Then there was the high pitched call again. SSJ rolled out of the way of the crates as TM 
pulls the lever once more. The Tyrant blocks the blow, and pushes the wheeled weapon back. 
TM curses.)

TM: Two more, damn it all!

(The Tyrant no longer is patient, unfortunately for TM and SSJ. It rushes SSJ, shoving him 
into the stack of metal crates. The crates shatter to pieces, destroying any hope TM had of 
defeating the Mythril-armored beast. SSJ flies into the wall, nearly knocked out and 
breathing heavily.

At that same moment, Jill recovers from her sleep.)

Jill: Ugh... What happened?

(The Tyrant lands on the cart where the crates are held. It stands, seeming to laugh at the 
three in the room. SSJ gets up, full of pain.)

SSJ: JILL!

(Jill turns to SSJ.)

Jill: Eh?

SSJ: Fire every rocket you have left on the count of three!

(Jill nods, and the Tyrant mocks them all by playing Metroid Fusion on a random Game Boy 
Advance. SSJ fumes, but counts clearly.)

SSJ: One!

(A pause.)

SSJ: Two!

(Another pause. The Tyrant threw down the Game Boy Advance to the ground, shattering it to 
pieces. SSJ could hold his anger no longer. His anger was showing through every pore in his 
body, every space between his bared teeth, every clenched muscle in his arms.)

SSJ: NO METROID GAME DESERVES THAT! THREE!

(Team Up Technique! SSJ and Jill, at once, fire the entire round of rockets in their 
weapons. Explosion after explosion rocks the plane, sending light all throughout the bay 
and filling everything with smoke. Finally, the two run out of rockets, and rest from their 
massive assault.

But then they heard the most unpleasant words.)

TM: Dear God, no...

(The smoke quickly clears, and the Tyrant is seen with blood red eyes, rage in every part 
of its form. It roared and released some of what it had, and would have ran and cleaved SSJ 
in two.

But then there was the beep again.

TM turns and quickly pulls the lever, and the Tyrant is launched back, standing on the 
cart. It screams in terror, or so it seems, as the cart suddenly stops and the beast is 
thrown back and nearly out the plane.

Unluckily for the three, its claws scrape along the last edge of the doors, and barely hold 
him as the wind rushes past. Using its strength, it climbs back into the plane, its anger 
no longer containable.)

SSJ: No!

Jill: So close!

TM: FUCK IT ALL!

(TM, in his rage, picks up his briefcase and tosses it at the Tyrant. The weight of all the 
beasts, paper, and various other items make it difficult to toss, but TM manages it. It 
flies through the air, directly aimed at the Tyrant.

Just at that time, the Tyrant lets a slash at the "weak" briefcase. With a crack and a 
sickening pop, the briefcase crushes the clawed arm as it flies forward, hitting the Tyrant 
in the face. Its face twists a full 180 degrees, snapping its neck, and it flies back out 
of the plane.

It was finished. The Tyrant was finally gone. And not a second too late. SSJ sighed.)

SSJ: It was not rockets, bullets, sheathes, or even the crate thing that defeated this 
Tyrant...

Jill: ...But a damn BRIEFCASE?!

(Everyone sighs at the simple irony.)

TM: I guess it was a good thing I filed everything into that briefcase. But... My reading 
is lost...

(The door opens, and TM leaves the bay.)

SSJ: ...Thank God that they're lost.

(SSJ stands, and turns to Jill.)

SSJ: Hey! How about going with us?

(Jill looks up to SSJ.)

Jill: To where?

(SSJ sweatdrops and sheepishly grins.)

SSJ: I don't know, really.

Jill: Then no. I've had enough for today.

(Jill gets up to leave, but just then, she slips on a banana peel from out of nowhere, and 
flies out the plane.)

SSJ: DAMN!

(Thinking of nothing else, SSJ tosses a bishie-ball at Jill's flying self. It hits, luckily 
enough, and the ball flies back to SSJ as all bishie-balls do. He sighs.)

SSJ: Well, that was close.

(SSJ leaves the bay to return to the cockpit. Jill pops out of her bishie-ball, panting 
and sweating.)

Jill: ...What happened?

SSJ: I saved you.

Jill: Eh?! How?!

SSJ: I'll tell you later.

(SSJ turns back to the others, sweatdropping as they hear how TM defeated the Tyrant. This 
time, the story didn't have any lies.)

Claire: Wow! You're really cool, TM!

TM: I know- Hey! How about joining me on my adventure!

(Claire glomps TM.)

Claire: Of course!

DDT: I see that you were too lazy to make the chapter longer and add more characters. 
Especially Rebecca Chambers.

SSJ: Shut up.

[And at this time, Amiko sits on Gene's lap as he pilots a machine as simple as the plane, 
swooning over how cool he is. Cindy, meanwhile, was busy playing Go with Mokona. (Which was 
hiding in Cindy's bishounen waiting room, cleverly enough.)

At this time, the plane flies off in the distance, towards the moon and over the horizon. 
No one knew where to go, but they would figure it out. They all could feel Dark's powerful 
aura in their hearts.]

Gene: So, I suppose we are going North?

---- To Be Continued ----

- ENDING SONG: INSERT RANDOM RE CREDITS SONG -

---- Preview ----

[Japanese Yu-Gi-Oh! Preview music plays in background. The five appear as chibi style, and 
random scenes from the next episode play, though you can't see because this is text. =P]

SSJ: Well! How about that long monstrosity!

Amiko: The chapters just get longer and longer!

Cindy: What have you been smoking?!

SSJ: Nothing... Much...

(Silence passes.)

TM: Anyway, next! The Council of Rantmon begins their first step, and heads to intercept us.

DDT: A gigantic giga battle ensues, with every last boss of every FF game that SSJ has 
played teaming up to defeat us.

SSJ: Yes! Wackiness abound since my funny has finally been recovered!

All: Next! On GINGA GIRI GIRI! "Six Pronged Attack!"

Kenshin: With more "oro" as well!

----